Not one, but two bonkers sci-fi dreams last night. Episode one: attend interactive theatre event only to find it’s government trick to herd gays into labour camps. Flash-forward six months and I’m leader of a small band of rebels. People died!

Episode two: attend premiere of hot new deep-n-meaningful sci-fi film. Am aware that baddie is centuries-old alien with habit of tinkering with evolution. Watch bad video-game CGI of said creature taking various shapes to menace life on earth and spur development: e.g. turn into flying creature, grab lizard, take up into sky and drop, prompting lizard to miraculously sprout wings and fly away. At this point realise is disappointingly unrealistic and facile. Then to cap it all, gigantic easyJet logo appears in middle of screen and just floats there for several minutes. People start to boo!

Then the film ends, after only about ten minutes. A DVD menu screen comes up of a free promotional extra movie advertising the <>real film, in association with easyJet. The lights come half up, and a young boy in the first row can be seen wielding a remote control. Then an usher strides up, looking partly annoyed but mostly amused, and says ‘I’ve been looking for that!’, snatches it from his hand, and smartly presses a button. The lights go down, and the real film begins.

Like I said, bit wierd.